


Forget Regret

by Tex



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s05e06 The Shrine, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:25:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tex/pseuds/Tex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John won't say goodbye. Rodney has something else in mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget Regret

630 words - 5.06 The Shrine  
Originally posted to the McSmooch Community on Livejournal

 

“You’re a good friend, Arthur.”

John holds onto his mouthful of beer and steals a glance at Rodney. He sees the playful light in Rodney’s blue eyes a second before he does a spit take worthy of Bob Hope and for possibly the first time in his life, John becomes intimately acquainted with the concept of “laughing to keep from crying.” 

He and Rodney get quiet again and John rests back on his hands, but there’s an ache in his gut that hasn’t gone away for over a week. From the moment Keller came out of the infirmary with that terrible, strained expression, John’s been walking around in a haze of grief and helpless fury.

Rodney’s dying and no kamikaze run on a hive ship is gonna change that. 

He can hardly wrap his mind around it. It’s so big that John’s afraid that this is the thing that’s finally going to beat him, to leave him broken and bleeding in a corner. Rodney is a part of Atlantis; the two of them are entwined so tight that John can’t imagine one without the other.

John breathes evenly while something raw and ugly works to claw its way out of his throat. He doesn’t have time to lose it. His focus has changed now. Whatever time remains, he wants to absorb every molecule of it – breathe it in, imprint it, remember. 

This night is perfect for that, he realizes. The moist, warm air off the water, the sound of wave’s rhythmic push against the iron understructure, the misty path that is the shimmer of the New Lantean moons – and Rodney. 

The way he smells, of beer and soap and a little fear. And the way he feels beside him – solid, reassuring, permanent. 

“John?”

He gives himself a mental shake. “Yeah, buddy?” His voice isn’t as steady as he’d like but Rodney doesn’t seem to notice. 

“You don’t want to say goodbye and that’s fine. That’s your choice. But there’s something I need to do. Just – go with me for a second, okay?”

John starts to agree because hell, yeah, he’ll do it. He’ll do whatever Rodney wants – he’s thought about it a lot over the past few days about just exactly how far he’d go to make this situation go away and there’s nothing, there’s nowhere he wouldn’t –

Rodney leans toward him and before John can react, Rodney’s lips slide softly over his. It’s nothing more than that. There’s no stroke of a tongue, no aroused noises. There’s nothing but this staggeringly sweet press of Rodney’s mouth and the light puff of Rodney’s breath against John’s skin.

Almost before it starts, Rodney sits back and watches John with a crooked little smile. And in that moment, John knows that, yes, this will be the thing that takes him apart.

“You asshole,” John says roughly, “that was goodbye, wasn’t it?” 

Rodney’s smile doesn’t go away though it falls a little on one side. “No. That was regret that I didn’t do that sooner.”

“Rodney,” John says, even though he doesn’t exactly know where he’s going with that, but he says it anyway – low and intimate, like he always wanted to, like he’ll never get the chance to do now.

But Rodney is already scrambling to his feet. “I think I can sleep now. We should go.”

They pick up the empty beer cans and John takes Rodney back to his quarters and sees him settled. 

“You okay?” John asks before he leaves.

Rodney, sitting on the side of the bed, rolls his eyes and for a moment, Rodney is Rodney again and the ache inside John eases. “Yes, yes, everything’s fine. Go get some sleep.”

But he doesn’t sleep. John stays awake and remembers.


End file.
